Morning, Bastille Day 2015

The spider drops from the ceiling
Nearly on your face
Then retreats back up
Probably due to cigarette smoke
But does not move far enough from the armchair
Too close for comfort
You knock it down
With a printout of some poems
But you cannot see where it lands
Cannot kill it
It has moved you to your table though
You get to writing much faster
Than you otherwise would have

The basement is not flooded
Although there is a stream of wet across the floor
That will affect the pile of
Already water damaged clothes
That your associates threw down there, uncaring
While you were in the hospital last year

The house is not yet covered in beer cans
They will be easy to remove

You woke up at 5:42 am
But went back to bed for two hours
When you woke again,
Unsure if you would be able to wake up
Or return to bed
But within fifteen or twenty minutes
A cigarette and a small cup of coffee and time
You were fine
The coffee tastes excellent today
The first pot anyway

Your friend’s web design project lingers on undone
Begging either much attention or resignation
But first, writing
There is also grocery shopping and housework to be done
Have I left clothes in the washer for a week?
I must check on that

A study on the radio finds
That a combination of eight good gut bacteria
Supplemented
Improves aggressive behavior and ruminative thoughts
After a month
I must eat more yogurt
And get some probiotics

The sun beams in
I slept through what was apparently
Some heavy rain
It never stops these past couple weeks
More foolish riverside dwellers get flooded out yet again
And it is time for another cigarette and more coffee to be made

Working on a shopping list
Treats to the cat
Classical on the radio
The shirts on the floor from three nights ago
Are still wet with sweat
As the liver detoxifies
Much less sweat last night

What will we eat today?
And I still haven’t got the password to that tablet
It’s a nice morning
Aside from the spider
Helpful though it was

Writing at home becoming a habit
Since I have had no money for coffee shops
The house is still fairly clean
Although the couch has moved again
And I have ice in my ice trays
But not enough milk

Battery charger for the camera permanently missing
But had I had it, I would have pawned it
So we come out ahead there

The cat irritatingly keeps me company at the writing table

The Mill

uncertainty of time
postage
those who post
Until the seasons change
Do nothing but study
Computer work and writing
How to increase the output
And decrease time spent
Key to stress
Undoing
Watching the world pass as paychecks

vie for attention

Against grades dishes garden

& longer term art & vision

Under the suppressing wail of freelance & class
Wondering why I did not reach vacation

@ semester’s end

more word recombination

chk chk chk

systems are online lets go

call <blank> on gas and lunch /// no

go clear mail and answer @ <redacted>

later to <redacted>

register for class

tonight clean house

call <redacted> & call <blank> about some payment

meditate

if by some miracle theres extra time,

_ – _ – _ load poems to wordpress

————————————

dizzy whizzy dizzy dizzy

possibly take cans to scrap metal

*church or buddhism or aa he was thinking

_ – _ – _ but he never gets a non-work day

You owe it to yourself to live clean

_ – _ – _ live in a clean house

Cash cash cash cash

_ – _ ? Going to just go downhill when you get paid?

<author’s intejection: asshat. ¬†you don’t have a clue>

_ – _ Well it seems to be getting better

Need that gas . . . . will scrap metal be a gain

 

Most important things:

_ – _ <shopping list>

_ – _ <shopping list>

_ – _ <shopping list>

_ – _ <shopping list>

O Hangover Cured but forgot

to take my pills

shall I waste 40 minutes

driving home & back?

Is it worth it for calm?

Also delaying the exhaustion of the beer 40 min?

It is worth it. –

I felt gross before

Now I feel on edge

Beta blockers all the way

____________________

The Pile

flame6

Can’t afford the time
Can’t afford the time
Can’t afford the time
It’s all coming down on me
Can’t afford the time
What is it they say?
You can’t afford not to
It’s true
Can’t afford the time
Meditation
Get some exercise
Get some sleep
Do all these things
Work hard
Work harder
You’re late
I want to do this
Can’t afford the time
I want to do this for me
Can’t afford the time
I want to do that
Classes, man
Finish it
Not interested
Lower stress threshold
Nothing changes
Never off
Always something
Maintenance
Can’t afford the time
Watch movies
You owe assignments
Can’t afford the time
Write novels
New pictures

flame7

Make money
Look for work
Make books
Do yoga
Cook, clean
Relax
Can’t deal with it
Too much
Start now
FIne
Fuck you
Leave me alone
I’ll silence you
Shoo
Can’t afford the time
Maybe if I start now
Why does my mind do this?
Why doesn’t it just progress
Stress free?
Can’t afford the time
Well that’s one thing off the list anyway
Creative writing
Check

flame8

Credit!

Credit, sweet credit!

Rescuing me finally from my own excesses!

Sweet Credit!

It may not be much, but it’s enough to get me through

First credit I ever did have, and its cheap!

10% up front, no more overdraft fees, ever again!

Credit I celebrate thee and sing thee!

Credit for me credit for all, if only!

Who will fund a microcredit program in Nashville?

Who will fund a Housing First program for the homeless?

Oh credit, I deserve you why did you withhold your tender touch so long?

As I wailed and drowned , not under my spending, but under my penalties…

Credit!

A revolution for me,

Together with sobriety,

Mostly