Not a Good Ad

Not a very good ad
Working to reach the worthy
Following forever in the dust of others
But seen to be wanting by most
Asserting the dignity of humanity
Asserting the right to a life
Asserting the aspiration of success
But being seen to be wanting by most
Lacking all that most have
Having only some few things
Working forever at my craft
Not a good ad for myself
Piecing together a living
Building slowly from the dust
Coming unglued and retelling
All that had gone wrong once again
Asserting the presence of hope
Asserting a place for my work
Asserting a way to make money
Beginning to tear it up

Cumulonimbus is a type of cloud that is tall, dense, and involved in thunderstorms and other bad weather. The clouds can form alone, in clusters, or along a cold front in a squall line.

Cumulonimbus is a type of cloud that is tall, dense, and involved in thunderstorms and other bad weather. The clouds can form alone, in clusters, or along a cold front in a squall line.

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The sweeping changes are coming hard
Hard to go all the way down to no cigarettes
Hard to stay occupied all day without beer
Hard not to steal 40 cents to make a beer
Hard the angst and anxiety
Everyday I struggle
Every day I have s few moments of peace
Are there solutions out there beyond this?
Or just more of the same?
Is this addiction?
Is this intractable depression?
Is this just boredom?
Or is this just life, which I am not cut out to cope with?

Three Ways of Becoming You

Dying, rippling through the screws
Awakening, uncertain where to go or what to do
Living, he walks, walking, he comes to sense
Seeing over the powerlines, he becomes strong
He tried his case and was rebuffed
He slit his wrists and failed
Completing the challenge and becoming
The hard drop off from the loss of antidepressants
The ideations!
The leap into the void
Bringing closure to the kiddies
Soldiers coming home with nothing to show for it
Bombs drop on thousands of targets, yet still ineffective
To sleep to dream, this is all I want to do
Slipping down the hallway, you think quickly of excuses
The joyfulness of it all is great
The depression of it all is great
The poignancy of it all is great
Greater, the dragons, with their fire to cut flesh
Seeing into it is believing
Seeing out of it is consensus reality
A few months use for your trouble, no more
The expense of it drives me to distraction
Grabbing hold of a passing thought, you become irate
Grabbing hold of a transient thought…
Challenging the wicker men to duels of flesh
Arousing the body for action
Getting together two ways to the key
Two paths to change
Three ways of becoming you

Tired, beat, exhausted, drained
The never ending round of life
I asked my higher power for help today
But I’m saucing again anyway
To ease and ease away the pain
I lift my glass and think again
Tomorrow be a better day
And all the world will come to see
But tomorrow is another day
And there is work still to be done
And tomorrow ill be tired too
Though somewhat less
And the snow and the cold they come again
And we all leave out for commerce
And we go and go and go again
And never is a day of rest
And I ask myself ‘how can this get better? Can it truly and if so, how?’
And we go and go and go again
And the promise that if I live without relief
A whole year and then it does
And my poor weak bones they cannot do
I cannot just live this life through
All alone and no tomorrow
I dream and dream and dream and dream
And never yet have got my due
Of pleasant, happiness, and sorrow
I just get this aching for a difference
Never yet and no tomorrow
Nothing comes to rescue me
I just get sorrow and the blues
I never yet and no tomorrow
But maybe when the morrow comes
Something will change and then be brighter
I never yet and no tomorrow
But maybe now the morrow comes
And I see my way through
And maybe I see my way through
We have to hope or what’s the point?
I dream and dream and dream of you
And soon I will see my way through
We come like ships like mountains fair
Through the mist and then were there
I hope you see this and it persuades
To wait for me a bit my dear
For there is hope as nd little to fear
And all is well and all is well
And all will be well this I promise
And time is now to continue
And we grew and grew and grew and grew
And then so it was

Things get a little easier

Things get a little easier
Eating through the days’ time
Not wanting to nap all day (and being unable to)
Take care of yourself
But what can I do?
Cleaning, self-inquiry, cooking, blogging
Not in shape for web-design- or art-
Portfolio building just yet
When you run out of cleaning that’s when
You do art
Check Mechanical Turk transcription more thoroughly
Two point five more days until
Medication
More time still until therapy
What of work market?
You don’t have the right skills
Or not without a car
But someday still–
Check it
When the cards very specifically say
The partnership is a hindrance
And the chosen guru says otherwise – well
On the current track that was months off yet
So
No need to worry about resolving it right now
So
What will I do while this treatment program progresses
Aside from day dream
Let’s get a website built
But not yet.
First clean the house
Tackle the depression
Later we can talk about
Contracting the website
And the server administration
When I’m sober longer, maybe