Morning 1-13-2015

Itching for a cigarette
Tweets so far, perhaps five,
Radio plays on NPR
Sports hour unfortunately
Or no, just part of the news
Cards progress good,
None yet today
Coffee with:
Rhodium roses, eleuthero ginseng, cocoa powder, no ground black seed
Mountain rose herbs
New book out, poems: Ziggomatic Keys (*&  Synaptic Syntactic and Really Fantastic  &*) amzn.to/1OEXdZ3
Have fun with that
Project to paper soon
CreateSpace
Super adaptogen coffee
Rhodiola gives it a red color
Need to make new aniracetam pills
Sold two amazon gift cards
And three christmas books
And a need to call UPS recruiter
Life moves forward
I sit in this chair
[Note: also returning for one semester to complete my bachelor’s degree now]

Morning, Bastille Day 2015

The spider drops from the ceiling
Nearly on your face
Then retreats back up
Probably due to cigarette smoke
But does not move far enough from the armchair
Too close for comfort
You knock it down
With a printout of some poems
But you cannot see where it lands
Cannot kill it
It has moved you to your table though
You get to writing much faster
Than you otherwise would have

The basement is not flooded
Although there is a stream of wet across the floor
That will affect the pile of
Already water damaged clothes
That your associates threw down there, uncaring
While you were in the hospital last year

The house is not yet covered in beer cans
They will be easy to remove

You woke up at 5:42 am
But went back to bed for two hours
When you woke again,
Unsure if you would be able to wake up
Or return to bed
But within fifteen or twenty minutes
A cigarette and a small cup of coffee and time
You were fine
The coffee tastes excellent today
The first pot anyway

Your friend’s web design project lingers on undone
Begging either much attention or resignation
But first, writing
There is also grocery shopping and housework to be done
Have I left clothes in the washer for a week?
I must check on that

A study on the radio finds
That a combination of eight good gut bacteria
Supplemented
Improves aggressive behavior and ruminative thoughts
After a month
I must eat more yogurt
And get some probiotics

The sun beams in
I slept through what was apparently
Some heavy rain
It never stops these past couple weeks
More foolish riverside dwellers get flooded out yet again
And it is time for another cigarette and more coffee to be made

Working on a shopping list
Treats to the cat
Classical on the radio
The shirts on the floor from three nights ago
Are still wet with sweat
As the liver detoxifies
Much less sweat last night

What will we eat today?
And I still haven’t got the password to that tablet
It’s a nice morning
Aside from the spider
Helpful though it was

Writing at home becoming a habit
Since I have had no money for coffee shops
The house is still fairly clean
Although the couch has moved again
And I have ice in my ice trays
But not enough milk

Battery charger for the camera permanently missing
But had I had it, I would have pawned it
So we come out ahead there

The cat irritatingly keeps me company at the writing table

Daylight 6-27

At least one prescription to pick up

Breakfast with Dad

Who did not beat me up about finding a job this time

Thank goodness

Interesting dreams

Highly complex games

Which carried over from one awakening to the next

Cephalopod human hybrids

Cat sits upon the notebook, as per usual

The table which cannot be cleaned

Because the coating has peeled away from the particle board

Nothing to  pawn

Nothing to plant

Nine cigarettes left

Web design to be done

Cleaning spree with mom and aunt yesterday

Although the floors are still incredibly dirty

They have been swept

And although the tables have been picked up

They are still cluttered and dirty

And the place looks and feels galaxies better

The volume of beer cans and trash removed —

And at least I am not stuck without coffee

Although I fear I am still out of venlafaxine

Even with the prescription

More oracle cards found

So I have a full deck now

Classical on the radio for writing – wordless

A space heater runs and AC off, although it is 69 degrees out

Chinese food with Dad and the aunt last night

If only I could find the charger for that camera

I could have $300

Or to hard reset the tablet

35 cents to my name

—————————-

Thanks to my readers who helped me break my record of 27 likes in one day and reach 36 on the 25th and then on the 26th break the record of 36 and reach 53. Also reached 1000 likes last week. Also that rainbow at the top today is quite nice, I think.

Sleeping on the nuclear switch
The cicadas buzz up a storm
A summer heat of bliss
Dissociative ecstacy lying in the grass
In the dark of the night the black cat roams free
Sniffing around the garden of weeds, then disappearing into the dark
Standing in the doorway as I wake at 9 am
We all go through the spiralling trials of life and also the spiralling realizations
Depersonalization disorder should plague the oppressors more and the oppressed less
Although there are good kinds of depersonalization, not disorders
Searing the visual cortex with a sun fired perception of beauty with a side of beer and cigarettes
The cat finds her courage
Bigots against the mentally ill and outsiders infest the local coffeehouse
Deeply unimpressed I take my business elsewhere
Realizing that I was not imagining them continually gossiping about me
Little birds flitter in the street; get out of the way of the oncoming car, you little fools
Overcast and bright today
And it is time to shower and get coffee (elsewhere)

Wendy’s

Sitting in Wendy’s killing time before treatment group
I suddenly realize they are playing classical music at clearly audible volume
And have been the whole time
This glades my heart
And slightly soothes my brain
Though my nerves are still frayed from work, traffic, and Maxwell House
A good choice by a corporation
Injecting calm into the frantic American life
But I still cannot wait
For sleep
And morning writing and first coffee again
And pursuit of the wish

Wendy’s

Sitting in Wendy’s killing time before treatment group
I suddenly realize they are playing classical music at clearly audible volume
And have been the whole time
This glades my heart
And slightly soothes my brain
Though my nerves are still frayed from work, traffic, and Maxwell House
A good choice by a corporation
Injecting calm into the frantic American life
But I still cannot wait
For sleep
And morning writing and first coffee again
And pursuit of the wish

My Cup of Tea

My cup of tea today is 7am coffee, black

My cup of tea today is grogginess fading, and wishing the internet were on

My cup of tea today is meditation while my hosts get the kids off & to work

My cup of tea today is developing long term business strategy & short term expertise

My cup of tea will be buying my partner a hibachi lunch he can’t spring for

My cup of tea is not double checking that my plane tickets have been changed,

But it needs to be done

After our business jam session

My cup of tea is to keep following to keep following desire

Have my daily beer alone as I work at the nearby coffeehouse

Now that I’m in recovery

Keep it that way.

Get moved ASAP on return