The sweeping changes are coming hard
Hard to go all the way down to no cigarettes
Hard to stay occupied all day without beer
Hard not to steal 40 cents to make a beer
Hard the angst and anxiety
Everyday I struggle
Every day I have s few moments of peace
Are there solutions out there beyond this?
Or just more of the same?
Is this addiction?
Is this intractable depression?
Is this just boredom?
Or is this just life, which I am not cut out to cope with?

Daylight 6-27

At least one prescription to pick up

Breakfast with Dad

Who did not beat me up about finding a job this time

Thank goodness

Interesting dreams

Highly complex games

Which carried over from one awakening to the next

Cephalopod human hybrids

Cat sits upon the notebook, as per usual

The table which cannot be cleaned

Because the coating has peeled away from the particle board

Nothing to  pawn

Nothing to plant

Nine cigarettes left

Web design to be done

Cleaning spree with mom and aunt yesterday

Although the floors are still incredibly dirty

They have been swept

And although the tables have been picked up

They are still cluttered and dirty

And the place looks and feels galaxies better

The volume of beer cans and trash removed —

And at least I am not stuck without coffee

Although I fear I am still out of venlafaxine

Even with the prescription

More oracle cards found

So I have a full deck now

Classical on the radio for writing – wordless

A space heater runs and AC off, although it is 69 degrees out

Chinese food with Dad and the aunt last night

If only I could find the charger for that camera

I could have $300

Or to hard reset the tablet

35 cents to my name


Thanks to my readers who helped me break my record of 27 likes in one day and reach 36 on the 25th and then on the 26th break the record of 36 and reach 53. Also reached 1000 likes last week. Also that rainbow at the top today is quite nice, I think.

End of a Cycle

Sticking to the sidewalls
Coming completely unglued
Not yet ready for things to end
I burn up the money, quick, quick, quick
Left with nothing again
I devour pills in hope of some small relief
Add more coffee to the mix
And smoke my cigarettes
Attempting to write through the trouble
Looking forward to morning

Sparkling, the flash in your mind dims
The floaters in your eyes pour sparks
And the electrics in your head all go off
Consciousness wavers for a moment
You drop to hands and knees
Returning you find the never-seen-anything feeling in the moments of transition
As you come back from other galaxies, dimensions, and the clear void
You find yourself soon thinking about financial stability and how you do not have it
Wishing again for a suitable companion
But no one wants the unstable broke