Diminish Not But Screw

That was, ultimately, not fun..

Lesson learnt yet again

The sleep disturbance, the knock on dysphoria

The channels of regret

All the more saying:

This beyond that, but only if true; choke without whistles, but thence and then sad; knock up or stock up, reversals & clues….

This new endeavor chokes my routines; a need to reprogram grows great, grows gross

Choking…

The back flip of anti-sobriety

The channels where the voices of the angel’s come through

Let not this be your end

Add & repile, begin again & list up

Diminish not but screw….

Hummingbird

Just witnessed a drunk hummingbird ram a window 14 times in a row without taking break. It graudually slowed down, but it must be have done it at least that many more after. Hummingbird feeders start to ferment into alcohol in the sun… I think I can safely say alcoholism does exist hummingbirds, but animals from bumblebees to elephants are known to seek out rotten foodstuffs for this reason. 

The sweeping changes are coming hard
Hard to go all the way down to no cigarettes
Hard to stay occupied all day without beer
Hard not to steal 40 cents to make a beer
Hard the angst and anxiety
Everyday I struggle
Every day I have s few moments of peace
Are there solutions out there beyond this?
Or just more of the same?
Is this addiction?
Is this intractable depression?
Is this just boredom?
Or is this just life, which I am not cut out to cope with?

Give us dirty politicians

Give us dirty politicians

I have to say I have been heartily irritated by the puritanical response to Rob Ford’s admission of drug and alcohol use. I don’t live in Toronto, of course, but according to this author the man still has a higher approval rating than the british Prime Minister. Her call for politics to be open ‘not only to those who were plotting their political career in their teens’ rings well with me. And she also notes that London’s mayor is known to have a child ‘out of wedlock’ [meaningless accusation] and his constituents don’t give a damn. The need for lily clean politicians will now gracefully die, one hopes. Although she also notes that Ford is known to have threatened to kill someone, I have probably done the same in the throes of drunkenness at some point. The difference being that a) no one was there to listen in to my thoughts (except the NSA et al), and b) I would not have the ability to get an other person to do the act so it never happens. In Ford’s case, barring evidence to the contrary, we may also assume it never happened and was merely a fit of piqued words. Also, note that the other two items on the page are entirely unrelated to the leader opinion. She makes the potentially offensive point that many politicians are being shaped by focused groups, their nearest approach to ‘real life’ is nodding at security guards on the way to parliament, and that they have been suspiciously plotting their careers since their childhood (additionally, I would note, the conspicuous requirement of Christianity in anglo nation politicians is suspicious, the cognitive dissonance is frightening at times. You don’t see it in the media, but try going to a coffee house near a seminary and see what they say)

Dissociatives? Speed? LSD? Fascism? Alcohol? Breakdancing? *&

Plus we go shed our bodies

we walk along sideways through

Time

The dissociative panopticon

Drowning

No swimming that night

Else we go

Left is dragon extreme

The speeding through constellations

Of thought

Working our minds around

Our condition

Shed the bodies

Walk

  • into the minds
  • Endless corridors of rooms

Losing ourselves in introspection

on the state of &+_

Self

Takes supreme confidence

Taking all pieces,

\

Integrating`.

The map expands, perhaps

Beyond ^ comprehension

In the blending of the other

Triahalogos  mystic screed

Working through

How much can you hold?

All comes back in some form e

Emerging after

//

The silent mind

Another Day, Not Dead Yet

Note: this was supposed to publish 5 days ago

Brain scrambling

Physical discomfort

Weird feelings

Not exactly hungover

Only two glasses wine yesterday anyway

Near sleepless

Plus more

Beer helped

But only slightly

Coffee & food kicked it higher

Shower & nap probably

Should have grabbed some pills at studio

Work, soonish

Already one pm

Mechanical Turk or something

With rapid payoff

Happy fun time

Is a no for today

Lion’s Mane & Rhodiola

Perhaps helpful

Meditation,

Eventually

Park,

Perhaps

Hackerspace,

Seems doubtful

On one round of cards

Meditation & Relaxation

Were indicated

Find phone first

How do I always lose that damn thing?

Home,

Getting very soon

–Discontinuity–

(Call doctor & massage people)

, Please