Call for Feedback

ddtm-thefairymarket ______ Charles Vess, ‘The Fairy Market’ from “Drawing Down the Moon”

[note: only asking for feedback on the 1 page below] Looking over my manuscript, preparing to change it up (formatting) for BookBaby ebooks, I am having some misgivings about the ‘Prelude’ poem. Thinking of cutting it or replacing it (or leaving it as is). Thought of making edits to it while I was typing it here, but reading back over it, I feel less that way. I thought I would put it out there for feedback before I reach a final-ish decision. There are also a couple of poems that I wound up putting in two different places in the book to make the flow from piece to piece work, and should probably replace one instance of each, but that is a whole ‘nother thing. Just looked up hanging indents in LibreOffice Writer, and that’s simple, so one more problem down… Here is the Prelude, for your consideration. Any comments are encouraged and welcomed. The final version is to be called Synaptic Syntactic: of unbounded phases and entangled echoes unless something changes, and BookBaby publishes to over 60 ebook markets reaching 170 countries, so you should be able to get it on your device of choice.


In all the days of it
We worked and we toiled
We of the silting up of the works
In the alterations
In the alterations of we all the small ones
In the alterations of we all the small ones we woke
In the alterations of time we sought a chance. In the
_ _ _ alterations of time we sought a maker. In the stillness
_ _ _ of time we sought our changes. In the stillness of changes
_ _ _ we sought a place to stand. We all the small ones
_ _ _ sought our places to stand. In it we of all the small
_ _ _ ones were ready to work.
We of all the small ones dream of death
If thus it ever was thus and so, we dreamed it
Repetitively we beat this drum
Claiming to see everything they woke with a start
Coming up to claim to see everything they woke up without
_ _ _ their pants on
In the snips of pieces we collaborated on a play of
_ _ _ we of all the small ones, dreaming of the day of
_ _ _ the night of the day that if (see disclaimer) any
_ _ _ were ready, we would dream the dreams of bringing
_ _ _ down the moon
Demonoid picotant drew by the side, saying it was good
Our roles were reversed, and the splitcase boy drew by the
_ _ _ side and indicated his dissent and multiplicity
We all the small ones are eating and the land allowed
_ _ _ us to eat
Something grasping this way comes


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