Wordless, tapped out, feeling pointless. What motivates us to write? When does it become merely a duty? Just a ploy to gain views? How do we keep on when feeling unpoetic? Perhaps, in this case switching to prose. Reflections on life today or what have you… or something else, whatever.
Feeling semi-pointless at the moment. It’s strange how all the disciplines, all the meditation what have you, I always come back to this feeling of pointless eventually. Perhaps even worse when I am actually hitting my targets. That lasts a few days, and then it loses it’s flair. Am I addicted to the feeling of improving from disastrous tumbles? Where does this idea come from? Why does small success burn rapidly out the fires of interest leaving me to tear off jaws agape and salivating for something pointless and self-defeating?
Romeo, Romeo, Wherefore Art Thou Romeo?
What purpose is there to these idle wanerings? Do they make any real impact on the world other than me? Do they help preserve my sanity? Will they be used one day in a character assassination, or perhaps make me some money instead? The answers of the spirits are invariably either, ‘the point is to keep on writing’, or ‘you have failed to listen to our advices on these other matters, and that is why you feel pointless’. Well spirits, I am trying. Throw me a frickin’ bone here. A comet eclipse lightning bolt to set me straight or something. Where are these goons taking me, and why? What of the pythons you sent and all those other visual effects?
Am I supposed to convert that into something? Why does it always dissolve when I sit down to attempt it?
Things are, nevertheless in motion, and I imagine that I will be making something more happen in this little life of mine fairly soon here. Maybe I need medication. Maybe I need modern life to be less alienating. whatever. We’re working on it.
On a side note I have started 2 other blogs but been blocked as to how to go about my inaugural real posts to them. Perhaps I should do something like this. The obstacle seems to be partly perfectionism, since the other two are on topics I actually know something about, unlike poetry. And they are somewhat scientific too, so there is the added pressure to systematize, cite, construct arguments, etcetera. Perhaps that is the wrong approach. Meanwhile I weigh the possible pro- and con- sequences of deanonymizing this and the other two for purposes of networking and promotion of other works… hmmm. Is Prosequences a word? Ah, no. Didn’t think so. Perhaps we should do something about that.
PS That felt nice. but will it stick?